I Have Been Down this Road Before

Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and my God! (NLT) Psalm 42:11

“I have been down this road before, both literally and figuratively.”

Those were my thoughts last night as I drove back from Walmart, at almost ten o’clock in the evening.  What an evening I had!!

I was discouraged, my heart was sad…it took all of my strength not to burst into tears, right on the spot.  It was then that, it could only have been God, I was reminded of a drive down this very same road, in the very same car, with almost the very same feelings…four years earlier.  So much has changed since then and yet, so much still remains the same.

I want to be different, I want the change and yet, I can’t totally surrender it all to Him!  And therein lays my problem!

Me…I am my problem!

How I look at things, how I think people should behave, how I perceive the truth in a situation, WHAT I NEED!!!!

I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is working on me and that a breakthrough is coming because things went from good to bad to worse, right after I received a blessing.

Let me share my blessing with you…

About a week ago I saw that Jennifer Smith at Unveiled Wife had recently released a book called “Wife After God: Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband – A 30 Day Marriage Devotional For Wives”.  She was looking for bloggers to read and review her book.  There was a form to fill out and, with no expectations of being chosen, I decided to apply.

Let me get real here…my exact thoughts as I filled out this form were, “I do not have the traffic on my blog for her to pick me.  She wants women with way more pull than me to get the word out.  I know I won’t get chosen.”  In case you did not get the nuances of my thought process…I was feeling pressured to fill out that form and I did it reluctantly.

I mean I know something needs to change within my marriage.  I know that it is not where it needs to be, despite being married almost 34 years.  How we have lasted this long is nothing short of miracle, it’s absolutely a God thing!!!  I’m going to get real again…”when I say something needs to change within my marriage”…I’ve always thought, “He needs to change”.

WRONG ANSWER!!!!

I need to change!  I need to do better!  I need this book!

Well…show of hands…how many of you have guessed that I received an email that said,

“Hi Patti,

I am really honored that you want to write a review on my new marriage devotional! It is bloggers like you that really make me smile. It is my hope that as many marriages are reached as possible.”

When I received that email I was surprised, cautious and, just a bit, curious.  I opened the link that came with the book and began reading.  I started out reading, “A Letter from Unveiled Wife”, which included a beautiful prayer that went straight to my heart.  I then went to the introduction to the book and the words were both convicting and hopeful.

I saw myself in the first few pages and I felt like Jennifer was speaking directly to me.  I was ready to begin the journey.  I was thinking about how I had learned, at the feet of some masters, the wrong way to treat your husband…and how I had passed this along to my own daughter.  I was ashamed, but I felt that the hand of God was on this situation and He was going to make it right.

I was ready!

I was going to walk with integrity and intention!

Nothing was going to prevent me from reaching my victory over this situation, I was determined to get it right…this time!

WHAM!!!!

Whew, I did not see that coming!!!  I had not even read the first day and already there was a stumbling block…from my husband???!!!

“Doesn’t he know what I am going to do for him????  I was going to humble myself and surrender control of my part of our marriage to God????  AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET FOR ALL MY SACRIFICES!!!  Well, I have a good mind to just forget this and leave him twisting in the wind!!!”

“As a matter of fact, Patti, he has no idea about what you have purposed to do…because you have not told him!”

Thought I would share the internal workings of my mind in that moment.  Nice conversation I was having with myself.  I know something good is about to happen to my marriage through this book.   Why???  Because breakthrough always seems to follow a breakdown.

This might not be exactly the review that Jennifer was looking for, but it’s the only one I can offer up, right now.  Let’s just say that this is the precursor to the real review.  I am not going to give up and I am not going to leave Peter twisting in the wind, for where he twists…I twist also!

Beginning tonight I am going to go back to my link and read Day 1, and I am going to walk with intention through all 30 days of this book.  Because God is drawing me closer to Him and closer to my husband.  I need to be the best wife for Peter, so I can be all God created me to be, here on earth as well as in heaven.

Are you looking for a breakthrough in your marriage?  Would you like to join me over the next 30 days reading “Wife After God”?  Here is the link to purchasing the book…

http://www.amazon.com/Wife-After-God/dp/1481866885/unvewife-20

And if you would like to have more information about Jennifer and what it means to be an Unveiled Wife, click on the link below…

 http://unveiledwife.com/wife-after-god/

I am going to be blogging about my journey here on my page and would love for you to pray for me as I work on transforming my role of a Wife After God.

Yep, I have been down this road before…but God is taking over the driving from now on!!!!  I am going to put my hope in God!!!