First read Chapter 4 in our book…”What Kind of Unglued Am I?” and then come back here and see what God placed in my heart from this weeks reading.
Reflections from Chapter 4
So today we are embarking on Chapter 4, “What Kind of Unglued Am I?” in this chapter we are going to identify what type of “Unglued” we are…can I just share something with you about last week which totally relates to this week? Our word for last week, CHISEL, what an interesting word choice that turned out for me, during one of my quiet times God provided conviction through that word. There is some chiseling that I need to do and it is directly related to identifying my “unglued” personality. We need to add another category…”The Stuffer who Stuffs.” Those of you who were with me during our study of Made to Crave know that I stated, “I am not an emotional eater.” Mmmmmmmm…well, that is no longer true!!!
Isn’t it interesting that when you boast about NOT being something…all of sudden your circumstances change and that’s exactly who you become.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
When I shared those thoughts during “Made to Crave” I didn’t feel like I was boasting because I didn’t think that “not being able to eat” was a good thing either. But in reality, I secretly did think it was a good thing…if I am not eating I am not gaining weight, right? On the other hand if I am not eating I am not resting securely in the knowledge that God is in control and so that must mean that I am not releasing that area to Him. That must mean that I am trying to move forward within my own strength…my conclusion is that neither reaction to unglued moments are good or correct. I can’t be a stuffer who stuffs and I also cannot be a stuffer who starves herself.
So…why am I sharing something with you that would go far better with a study of Made to Crave???? Well…it’s because it also goes pretty well with the “Unglued” study too.
There are certain people who I allow to make me a stuffer…in more ways than one. I stuff my feelings in order to keep the peace and outwardly…it appears to work, but inwardly, inside of me, NOT SO MUCH!!!!!!
I am finding that as I stuff those emotions, I am also stuffing myself full of food. Right now…I am just an all – around stuffer and it is not making me too happy.
I think we can all agree that I have now identified myself in certain circumstances as a stuffer. I really do not fit into either of Lysa’s “stuffer” categories though. I am not collecting any rocks to throw nor am I building barriers against the people who I allow to bring out the “stuffer” in me. Normally, there are only two people who I stuff my emotions for…my adult children. Maybe the fifth category needs to be “Stuffer who Blames Herself.” I stuff because I blame myself for not always getting it right as they were growing up, I stuff because I did not, faithfully, take them to church, I stuff because sometimes I allowed my job to get in the way, I stuff because sometimes I did not set the example that I needed to set, I stuff because I am not allowing God to control the situation and I am just plain ole scared of any fall-out.
Which leads me to the thought that God gave me about this chapter through a t-shirt worn by my pastor’s son last night…every single personality we identify with in this chapter has at least one thing in common…Fear > Faith. The t-shirt reads Faith > Fear…that’s going to be our goal as we move forward in this book. We need to IDENTIFY the fear that is holding us back and causing us to stuff or explode and then, in faith, turn that fear over to the One that can PURIFY it.
Are we ready to move forward with this week’s assignments???? I am!!!
Word for the Week – “IDENTIFY” and/or “PURE”
Why these words??? Well, first of all we do need to “identify” what is causing our unglued moments and it might be helpful for you to identify with one of the four categories that Lysa discusses in this chapter. You might even agree, with me that we are not limited by the categories that Lysa shared either…we can become all kinds of unglued. More importantly though…I think we need to “identify” who we are as a Christian. When we “recognize”, (synonym for identify), what is causing the problem and acknowledge that we can only combat the trouble through wisdom and understanding…we are well on our way to putting that t-shirt on with pride!
In the book Lysa is discussing James 3:17 and she is talking about which word has the strongest punch in that verse, for her the word was “sincere”. Number 1, when I looked up the verse in my Bible the word “sincere” wasn’t even there and though I do agree that we need to be sincere in our “peacemaking” efforts. However, I feel the word with the biggest punch is “pure”. Because, Number 2 God said it right in the verse…”But the wisdom that comes from heaven is FIRST of all “pure”. Our wisdom has to, first, be pure and where is the only place we can go for that purity…God! If we are starting with a “pure” mindset, it seems to me that the rest of the words in that verse are going to follow along quite nicely with all that He places in us to share.
Define and look up synonyms for our word(s) of the week – write this in your “unglued” journal. Look at your “mandate to change” and decide how the word “IDENTIFY” and/or “PURE” will help you meet your objectives. Write this information down in your journal. Date each day of your journal this week. Make a word circle using our word(s) for the week and include in the circle those things that will help you meet your objective and place outside of the circle those things that will hinder your objective.
Memory Verse for this week – Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. James 3:13
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. James 3:18
Look up the Memory Verse(s) in several different translations of the Bible; decide which translation speaks to your heart and memorize that one. Write this version in your journal and let the group know which one you picked. Look at your “Mandate to Change” and see how this verse(s) applies to helping your meet your objectives. Make changes to your Mandate, as needed, including this verse(s).
Assignments for Week 4 of Unglued
- Set aside 60 minutes every day this week to spend alone with God. Get out your “Unglued” journal and put the date at the top of the page. Write out what you did during your time with God. If you read a devotion write down which one you read, if you read your Bible…what chapters or verses did you read. Make a note of what spoke to you during this time. Make sure that you schedule in some quiet time, where you are just silent and listen for what God is saying to you. Write down all the thoughts that come to you during this time of listening.
- Examine WHAT HAPPENED IN YOUR LIFE OVER THIS PAST WEEK for areas that caused you to become “unglued”. You can do this by going back to your journal and re-reading your entries.
- Record what you learned from each area in your journal. Make note if this is a new “unglued” area in your life.
- Surrender that unbalanced area to God and ask Him to show you how to abide in Him instead of relying upon yourself and your own strength. Write out a prayer to God about those areas that you are surrendering to Him.
- At the end of each day, reflect back on how your day went…be honest with yourself about those moments when you became “unglued.” Did you realize right away that you were not allowing God to hold you all together or did it take a while? What helped you in that moment? Record this information in your journal and, if need be, write an amendment to your “mandate to change.”
- If you have not already done so…click on the link below and “identify” which unglued category you predominantly fall into.
- Look back over those “unglued” moments that you have experienced over the last several weeks. Identify whether you “exploded” or “stuffed” in those moments and in the margin of your journal place an “E” next to the explosions and an “S” next to those times you stuffed.
- When you are stressed, irritated, stuck in conflict, hurt or causing hurt, do your reactions tend more toward stuffing or exploding? How would you describe the “benefits” of your unglued tendency? In other words, how does your tendency give you something you need in the short-term? For example; it gets the yuck out, keeps the peace, buys me more time, gives me a sense of power when I feel powerless, helps me to feel protected, makes me look spiritual, etc.
- -I am an exploder who shames me. I process hurt or aggravation by releasing my emotions on others and then use self-condemning thoughts to deal with my regret.
-I am an exploder that blames others. I process hurt or aggravation by releasing my emotions on others and then blame others for provoking my reactions in order to deal with my regret.
-I am a stuffer who builds barriers. I process hurt and aggravation by denying it in the moment and then withdrawing behind an emotional barrier that shuts down communication.
-I am a stuffer who collects retaliation rocks. I process hurt or aggravation by denying it in the moment while keeping a mental record of wrongs I can use later as proof against the other person.
-I am a stuffer who blames me. I process hurt or aggravation through justification, (I know not part of my mandate…but it is truth) it is my fault that I have received this reaction because of all the things that I have done wrong in my life. I then use other stuff to stuff those emotions.
Pick one or more of the phrases above that best fits your profile (or make your own category) and answer these questions for each one that you have chosen.
With whom do I typically react this way?
What circumstances tend to provoke this kind of emotion in me?
What behaviors characterize my reactions?
What short-term benefits do I get from this reaction?
- When emotions dictate our reactions – exploding or stuffing – we’re all too familiar with the regret and hurt that follow. However, we sometimes neglect to consider the “indicators” hidden in these same emotions. Indicators often represent legitimate human needs. For example, the need to heard and understood; to have a choice in what happens to us; to express hurt or confusion; to be loved and cared for. When you consider your recent unglued reactions, how would you describe your indicators – the legitimate human needs hidden in your reactions?
- What connections do you make between the legitimate human needs you identified and your relationship with God? For example, how might the things you need from other people also be indicators of things you need from God?
God, thank You for giving me emotions. Even though mine sometimes feel like a burden rather than a blessing, I know that having emotions is part of what it means to be made in Your image. When I consider my emotions are indicators, I get a clearer understanding of what I need and want – from my relationships and from You. Right now, I am especially aware of my need for….
Thank You for the promise that You have already given me, everything I need to live a godly life (2 Peter 1:3). Please help me to rely on this promise today.
Looking forward to what you all have to share this week and I already know that there is going to be another assignment posted, probably mid-week, which will include just a bit more of what I got from reading this chapter.