Read the Fourth Devotion in the First Week of our Book – A Father’s Strong Arm
Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear. Isaiah 59:1
Girlfriend to Girlfriend:
I wrote this post during the first “Trusting God” study and I am going to share it again with all of you…this all still applies to my life, there are no do-overs. I have gone through and made some changes…edited a bit more. I worked on this for part of the morning and then this evening our friend, Serafina, sent me her guest blog post about the word “trust.” And, wouldn’t you know it her words tie in directly with my words to you all today. She mentions in her post that I have said that “some of us have an easier life, while others have more trials.” I think what I meant to say is that some of us have trials that were brought to us by who or what was done to us, while others of us go through trials that we bring upon ourselves.
So, I am taking a deep breath and freeing falling into God’s arms and “trust-falling into each of yours, as I share a bit of how I have brought trouble to my own door. I am moving forward despite the annoyingly loud voice in my head telling me…”No one cares to hear this from you.” I just keep saying, “Satan, SHUT-UP!!!”
I have heard many of your stories, since I have known some of you for almost a year now; through other studies we have done together. Each of us has our own stories to share of heartache, trials and tribulations and sometimes as I read your words, I get mad at myself. I was blessed to come from a home with two parents who loved me and my brothers, they weren’t perfect but I never wanted for anything as a child growing up and truthfully, I have never wanted for much as an adult either.
This is why I keep hearing over and over inside my head, “You had no reason!” I grew up with a dad who had a strong arm and strong love for the Lord. He was always in my life and praise the Lord he still is alive and kicking; both of my parents have been blessed with a long life.
My parents took me to church from the time I was born and I continued their example until I got married and then I half-heartedly/semi-annually went to church after I got married. I used the excuse that my husband was raised Episcopalian and I was raised Baptist and the two religions do not mix well. He wanted more ritualized worship and I wanted a more relaxed style of worship. Any excuse for not doing what I knew I was supposed to do. And again I am hearing, “You had no reason.”
I am not saying that I have a lived a perfect life or that I have never suffered any trials or tribulations. I have but, I was never beaten or abused in any way as a child or an adult, by anyone. I mean my parents spanked me…but, that was discipline back then and I am sure that most of the time I deserved it!
I do not suffer from any debilitating illness, I do not suffer from depression…for the most part I have a good life and I always did…any suffering that I have gone through is a direct result of my lack of church attendance and not making sure that my children had as strong an upbringing in the church as I did.
And, so the statement plaques me both day and night, “There was no reason.” I need to tell satan to Shut up again. I so want to apologize for this post…I so want to take the delete button and remove every word. Because there has to be a reason that I walked away from Him, I would hate to think that I was just too darn lazy to do what I was called to do. I have apologized to my children for not doing right by them…maybe this is supposed to be my testimony to young mothers…”Take your children to church.”
I don’t know but, the story of how I came back to God directly relates to my children’s lack of a good religious upbringing, I know that! And, the voice inside my head keeps shouting, “You had no reason.”
I am hoping by sharing my story, I can let go of this and move forward. Maybe the reason is not important, maybe the only thing that is important is that I get it now and I am doing what He has called me to do now. I just don’t know…But I do know this His arm is always long enough to save me and I know He is always listening to what I have to say. I think though that maybe I need to shut my mouth and my mind up, and do just a bit more listening to His voice. How about you?
Dear Lord, I come to You and ask You to forgive me for not being who You called me to be for so long. I apologize for not being the example that my children needed as they grew up. I will not offer any excuses because there is none that would suffice and You know the reasons, even if I am still not sure. I trust You, Jesus. I am going to do my best to let this go and let You take this off of my heart. Jesus, please use me for your glory. Please place people in my path that can benefit from this testimony. You are the way, the truth and the light…keep shining that light on the truth and I will do my best to help You show people the way. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.