“He brought the people of Israel out of Egypt. His faithful love continues forever. He did it by reaching out his mighty hand and powerful arm. His faithful love continues forever.” Psalm 136:11-12
You can literally go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows within seconds; it happened to me on Saturday night. The Easter service at my church was a moving tribute for what Jesus did for me. I do not believe I have ever felt as close to my Savior as I did during that church service. There were a few minutes left, in the service, when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out and glanced at the name on caller ID and I knew I was not going to like what I was about to hear.
The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and the ache in my heart…both were almost unbearable, started right away. I wanted no part of the situation and yet I could feel myself being sucked right into the middle. I could feel His attempts to pull me from the abyss…I only needed to lift one hand to Him and I would be rescued, but I had lost all strength.
I had to pretend though, that all was well. I could not show the turmoil that was churning through my body. I just wanted to fall apart…I could not. I had my youngest grandson and I had to continue to put one foot in front of the other and be Mae Mae until it was time for him to go to bed.
This little guy was so excited about his evening at church and I wish now, I had reached out and captured what he was sharing. God offered me so many avenues to come to Him and find refuge…why did I not grab hold?
I was on the outside looking in and I wanted in so badly. But, I could not give up control yet. I still had to save what was not mine to save and if I reached for Him I knew I would have to listen to Him and not to the voice that kept telling me; “Take over this situation and tell them just what they need to do.” I felt pretty broken at the end of the night; right before I finally went to bed I felt that the situation was pretty hopeless and I did not like that feeling.
I needed a reminder of who is in charge and what only He can do with hopeless situations. I did not have the words to pray but, I have some friends who could come to my rescue and pray the words for me. And they did!!! By mid-morning on Sunday I was able to hit my knees in prayer to my Lord. It was not eloquent but it was heartfelt and I know He heard me. I am sure that you all know that those things that seemed so hopeless in the dark of night…looked a bit more surmountable in the light of day. God brought me a saying today that I am going to memorize and post around my house and carry in my wallet, whenever I need to feel empowered, not out of control.
“When we realize that we always have choices no matter how out of control things may seem. We suddenly find that we no longer feel helpless, but empowered.” – April Weston
You are my glorious God who loves me and wants more for me than I desire for myself. I have seen the great things you have done in my life, but I know there are even greater things you have in store for me. I can’t even imagine what you have prepared for me. Today I will look for your great gifts, I will be still and listen to your voice and receive the blessings you have for me! I will be quicker to release control in my life to You and remember no matter the size of the mountain…You can move it. Nothing is impossible for You! In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen.