Posted by: heisourstrongtower | March 12, 2012

Part of His Perfect Plan

“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” 1 Peter 1: 6-7

We were ready to add to our family, Sara was 4 years old and she wanted a baby brother or sister and the time just felt right.  My youngest brother and his wife were expecting and the pieces just seemed to fall into place for another child in our little family.  I got pregnant and we began making plans to make room in our home and life for the new baby.  On November 11, 1986…right at 12 weeks God took our little guy to live with Him.

Peter and I were sad about this loss but, I had to put on a brave front for Sara.  I COULD let her know that I was sad but, I could not allow myself to be devastated about the loss of the baby.  I explained to her that even though we thought it was a good time for a new baby, God felt it was best for the baby to live with Him.  We all mourned and moved forward as best as we could from the loss of the baby.

I didn’t believe that I really had a moment of “Why me?” and I did not feel that I blamed God for the loss.  It never really occurred to me that I had been looking for an explanation for my loss until my nephew, the one that was born to my brother and his wife, was 2 years old. My brother and his wife had gone through a tumultuous 2 years since the birth of their little boy and their marriage did not make it.  My brother was trying to be a single parent to this little boy with lots of help from my family and my parents.  Scooter was with us a lot.  One night as I lay on the couch in our family room with Scoot sleeping on my chest…I heard these words, “This is why.”

I lay there for a minute and thought, “This is why???…Did I ask a question?”  

“You may not have realized that you have been asking the question, but you have been wondering why you lost your baby for quite some time.  I knew that this little guy was going to need you and what your family could offer him.  You are still going to have your own little man but, it is going to be a couple of more years.  Right now keep this guy safe from harm and be the mommy that he needs.”

I am not sure that those were the exact word that I heard but the meaning was clear to me and I do not feel that I have asked or searched or wondered since that night about why I lost our baby.  God knew that my nephew was going to need me and he knew what I could and could not handle.  I truly understand better now than I even did then about how perfectly God works out His plan for our lives.

I doubt very much that there would have been another baby after the one that we lost and I could not imagine my life without Keith…the not-so little 10 lb. 8.2 oz. bundle of joy…that God blessed us with in 1991.  My family is far from perfect but, we are perfect for each other and each one of us is woven together perfectly, by Him, to fulfill His purpose in our lives.

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think that I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

–Thomas Merton

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